http://jen0r.com/drupal/node/218

I take two steps forward, I take two steps back. I make a decision, let my husband's comments get to me, and then I start second, third, fourth and beyond guessing myself. So, here I am again... not sleeping because I'm stressing about what he is going to think about the stupid paint on the walls. Full knowing that I've only put on one coat. Full knowing that the paint isn't completely dry. Full knowing that the color will change again with a second coat.

I guess I'm not so sure why his criticisms bother me so much. Well, ok... I'm not stupid. I know exactly why his criticisms bother me. He is the only person that really gets under my skin when it comes to criticisms, however "constructive" they may be. He doesn't like dinner, and I'm taking it so personally that it's unreal. He thinks I've been lazy about housework because I've been busy, or god forbid TIRED and I basically go overboard and clean the place with a tooth brush when he could have gotten off the couch and helped the cause (as it is his cause, after all). He doesn't mention anything about me losing all of my "baby weight," so I go over the edge and lose 5 lbs more only to get complaints that I need new clothing because everything is too big. He doesn't understand why all of the walls in a home shouldn't all match and be beige together, and he sure as heck doesn't have any concept of uniting prints and colors. So why am I so hurt when he can't see the concept before it is finished? He's just a typical guy!

But here I am, WORRIED about my stupid, lame bedroom that I so desperately wanted to decorate so that we could have our own personal space. A space that is child-free, toy-free and stress-free. An actual "Master Suite." A "grown up" room. I feel like I'm failing, and I think that part of it is that he has zero confidence in my abilities. Maybe he does have confidence in my abilities, but he doesn't act like he does - ever. And this is why his criticisms bother me so much. I'm a great Mom, a fantastic Chef, a hard-working Maid, and on top of that... I bring home a good portion of the income. Do your friend's wives do all of that, Honey? No... because they tell me they don't understand how I manage to "Do It All."

I think this is the part where I say "suck it," but that will probably get me in trouble.


See you all at Home Depot!